


The Continuing Adventures of Bitch and Jerk

by alwaysamy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-04
Updated: 2013-07-04
Packaged: 2017-12-17 15:11:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/868961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alwaysamy/pseuds/alwaysamy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Teeny fic set post Sacrifice (S8.23), while Sam is recovering. There is no plot here, just brothers being brothers. This was supposed to be something else entirely, for a wonderful if slightly devious friend, but instead she got, of course, Sam and Dean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Continuing Adventures of Bitch and Jerk

Dean finds Sam half-asleep, one eye on the TV that Dean set up on the dresser at the foot of the bed. Sam blinks, heavy-lidded, and a corner of his mouth lifts in the beginning of a smile. 

One glance at the screen calls for another--Sam’s watching Sesame Street, unless Dean’s started hallucinating, and hallucinations, unfortunately, have been Sam’s thing lately. 

“Sammy?” 

Sam manages a weak grin. “Shut up. It’s the only thing on.” 

Dean highly doubts that, since he rigged up a satellite dish capable of pulling alien transmissions from space, but he doesn’t mock his enormous, big-brained, completely adult brother. He does smirk as he perches on the edge of Sam’s bed, but he doesn’t mock. He doesn’t even tease. 

But he does say, after a few minutes of watching and one hearty chuckle at Oscar the Grouch, which he can’t help, “You’re Bert, you know.”

Sam laughs, but it turns into a cough halfway through, and he has to sit up. Dean pats his back a little more forcefully than necessary when Sam finally sputters, “Excuse me?” 

“You heard me.” He wags a finger at Sam with one hand while stealing a slice of apple from the plate he carried in with the other. “You’re Bert.” 

“I’m Bert.” At least Sam looks amused, even if the shadows under his eyes are still too deep and too purple for Dean’s peace of mind. He’s pretty sure Sam is not going to die, not now, but it would be awesome if he could start to look semi-healthy again sometime before the next apocalypse. 

He licks his apple-sweet fingers. “It’s so obvious. Tall, prissy, no fashion sense, obsessed with details, in fact, in _fact,_ just a little OCD, if you ask me--” 

Sam just lifts an eyebrow. “You know that makes you Ernie.” 

Dean gasps, offended. “I am not! I’m totally, like, Sam the Eagle or something.” 

“Now you’re confusing Sesame Street and The Muppet Show.” 

Dean scowls. “Whatever, Samantha. I’m still not Ernie. Bert and Ernie are gay.” 

“They might be,” Sam allows, screwing up his giant thunder brow as if this topic truly deserves scholarly analysis. “But not for each other.” 

Dean blinks. “Do I have to take your temperature?”  


“I mean it.” Sam pushes himself upright again, and frowns. “They’re just … two guys who are going through life together, no matter what. There’s no Bert or Ernie. There’s only Bert and Ernie, and they’re good with that.” He pauses and glances at Dean, suddenly so serious that Dean has to swallow down a surge of emotion. 

Instead, he tilts his head and smiles slowly at Sam. “I do have Ernie’s puckish sense of humor.” 

Sam snorts. “Exactly.” He looks sidelong at Dean, more playful than he’s been in days. “And his nose.” 

“In your fevered dreams,” Dean protests, warming to the way Sam grins at him. “My nose could be on a frigging Greek statue.” 

Sam smirks this time. “You mean the naked ones that always have such tiny dicks?” 

They’re still tossing insults back and forth ten minutes later, when Sesame Street has given way to Dora the Explorer. 

By the time Sam impugns what he calls the cholesterol-bomb that is Dean’s favorite bacon cheeseburger, there’s nothing to do but answer with a resounding, very fond, “Bitch.” 

He'll never admit it, but nothing’s felt better all year than hearing Sam say, “Jerk.”


End file.
